Tuesday in Holy Week

 Today's Gospel  John 12: 20-26

Now among those who went up to worship at the festival were some Greeks. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and said to him, "Sir, we wish to see Jesus." Philip went and told Andrew; then Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. 

Jesus answered them, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

  Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honor.  

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My friends I pray that we will all find peace and time for reflection in the forced quietness of this year’s Holy Week. Physical distancing protocols certainly bring on challenges like boredom and loneliness but there is also stillness. If, from time to time, we can bring ourselves to sit with the still and the quiet we open ourselves up to be blessed. It is part of the divine mystery.

Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you. Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies it bears much fruit."

We are an Easter people. The Gospel is the promise of new life. Some of you will recall that my favorite promise in the bible is “See, I make all things new.” In the passage we read today Jesus reminds us that in order for there to be an Easter there has to be a cross and a tomb. Before all things can be made new the old must pass away.

Over the course of our life there are many times we must allow seeds to fall into the ground and die.  We lose jobs, relationships change, people we love die, our youth passes us by. A virus sweeps across the planet and forces us to go indoors and take shelter, to set aside plans and be apart from family and friends, to close our church.

Each such death brings with it what Christian monk and mystic John of the Cross called “A dark night of the soul.” Knowing that we worship the God of dawn doesn’t preclude any of us from having our share of these dark nights of the soul.

How do we endure life when we are the seed? How do we ride out our dark nights? Jesus went out into the garden of Gethsemane and he fell to the ground and he prayed.  He went off alone so we can’t really know what he said but we know it was a hard prayer, an honest prayer.

I don’t suppose the actual content of our most passionate prayers matters much. The psalmist wrote “Lord, you know my thoughts before I form them.” And Paul described our most profound prayers as “sighs, too deep for words.”

Just coming present to God is prayer. Simply turning our mind, our heart towards God is prayer. This is how Jesus approached his death and this is how we can endure any and all of the deaths we must experience. As we turn to God in prayer he will abide with us through all our darkest nights. God told Isaiah, “See I will not forget you I have carved you on the palm of my hand.” The God of dawn holds us through our darkest night even as we await the rising Son.

I leave you with this brief reflection.  

When we are the Seed

God, hold me in your hand tonight.

It’s very dark tonight and I feel alone.

I’ve got you my child.

I want to pray but I don’t have any words.

I’m trying to pray Lord, but tonight my head isn’t feeling very focused. Can you just listen to my heart tonight?

I listen to everything you say and think and feel. Relax, I know.

I want to cry, God.  

I’m not sure what I want to cry about. So much is gone, so much has passed and I’m sad. Can I cry?

Crying is like a good rainstorm, it clears the sky. Don’t hold back your tears, let them fall.

I want to scream!

I’m angry! I didn’t think things were supposed to go this way, not for me.

Go ahead and scream. Screaming can be a blessed relief. My Son screamed on the cross.

I’m confused.

I tried to do everything right, I really did. And yet here I am. How did it come to this God?

I know you tried, let me take it from here. It hasn’t all come to this, we are just passing through this. Rest.

It’s so dark.

I have doubts Lord.

Faith used to come so easily. Tonight I’m not sure of anything. I want to believe. I really do but it gets hard. When did I stop being sure? God, I want to be sure again.

Doubts are natural. Tonight I’ll hold the faith for you.

I’m tired, so very tired.

Rest my child. Curl up with me for a while and rest. Let’s see what the dawn brings.